Dangerous Curves Page 7

  Uh, yeah, baby. That’s usually the way it goes. Until you came along.

  “OK, yeah Jax, you’re hot, and when you kissed me, it was amazing,” Sarah said quietly. “But I told you when we met that I wasn’t your type and I still believe that. This isn’t going to happen, Stud. No way you can be happy with just one woman, especially a woman who has no experience at all. And no way I can be happy with a guy who’s with other women in some bar back room. If I’m going to give myself to a man, I have to trust that I really mean something to him. He has to… be mine. I have to be his. Even just for a little while.”

  Jax froze, trying to think how to handle this. God knows, he wanted to be with her; he wanted it with a fierceness that took him by surprise. But when he said that he wanted to ‘be’ with Sarah, he meant more than sex. He meant… something else. Something more. But since he’d never had anything else or more with anyone, he wasn’t entirely sure what the hell he actually wanted, what he was really asking from this sweet, tough woman.

  Uncharted territory, for damn sure, man. You gonna jump in, or what?

  “Sarah…can I just say something here?”

  “Sure.”

  “Full disclosure, right?”

  “Right.”

  “OK. You’re right about the crash rooms. And yeah, I hit on you when we first met, and if you’d said yes, I’d have… I’d have fucked you and sent you on your way without a second thought. All true.” He hesitated. “That was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have… you deserved better than that. You still do.”

  Sarah looked up at him, saw that for the first time since they’d met, Jax looked unsure and tentative. He was always so self-assured and confident, and this change confused her.

  “But you’re – different, somehow.” He paused again. “I promised to tell you the whole truth, so here it is: I’ve never had a girlfriend. Like, the real kind. The kind that you see exclusively and get to know and take care of. So, I guess, in some ways… I’m kind of lacking in experience, too.”

  She stared at him, totally stunned.

  “And as long as I’m being completely honest with you, I should add that I’m getting pretty fucking fed up with the meaningless one-nighters. They’re – boring, and they’re all the same. So as for being with other women if we got together… I haven’t been with anyone since we met.”

  She blinked. “We met on Saturday.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Today is Wednesday.”

  “Yeah.” He cocked his head at her, not understanding what she was driving at.

  “God.” She half-groaned, half-laughed. “And there it is, in a nutshell. That’s why it isn’t going to work, Jax. How is it supposed to work between an almost-twenty-six-year-old virgin and a guy who thinks that going without meaningless sex in a crash room for just four days is a major accomplishment?”

  “Maybe it’s just nuts enough to work, baby.”

  “You think?”

  “What if we talked about some ground rules?” Jax said. “So we’d both know what to expect from the other?”

  “Ground rules?” she echoed.

  “Yeah. Like… if we were together, I wouldn’t spend time with anyone else at all. No women in the crash rooms in the bar. No women in any rooms, anywhere.”

  “Really?” Sarah said, the skepticism clear in her voice. “You’d do that? You could do that?”

  “Of course I would and of course I could. But here’s the thing, OK, and it may well be a deal-breaker for you. I can’t totally commit to you, not all the way, and maybe not the way you want or need.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’d never cheat on you. That’s a promise, and it’s not up for discussion of any kind, ‘cause you deserve a guy who’s faithful to you. I promise I’d never lay a hand on you in anger, and I’d never lie to you, and I wouldn’t force or guilt you in to bed – anything we did there, I’d want it to be because you wanted it as much as I did. I know the kind of man I am, and I know what I can offer, and all those things are on the table.” Jax took her hand, ran his thumb over her palm in small circles. “But I also know damn good and well what I can’t do and what I’m not. What I can’t promise you is anything long-term. I’m not the marrying kind, and I have no fucking interest in having a crib in my house. You get me? I’m – temporary.”

  She looked up at him, silent.

  “I can offer you exclusivity and I can offer you damn good sex, for as long as we decide we want to be together.” His eyes were hot. “But I can’t offer you forever and a future. I won’t. So, if you’re looking for a guy to marry and settle down with, you’re looking in the wrong place. But if you want a guy to show you a good time for a little while? I’m it, baby.” Jax stroked her hair away from her face. “I want to be it, for you.”

  Sarah sat there, thinking. If she were being totally honest with herself, she knew that a permanent relationship wasn’t in the cards for her either, at least not at this point in her life. She didn’t have the time to invest in anything that serious, and she didn’t have the freedom to plan long-term. So why not cut loose for once?

  All I do is what’s expected of me, what’s needed from me. What’s wrong with seeing Jax a few times a week and just – having some fun with him?

  But do I really want the first guy I go to bed with to be temporary? Shouldn’t I hold out for the real thing? For a guy who wants me forever?

  But I’ve been waiting for that guy for years, and so far, he’s nowhere in sight. What if he’s not just late - what if he never shows up?

  Her continued silence unnerved him a bit. “This would be new for both of us, Sarah. If you want to give it a shot with me, we can figure it out. Together. OK?” He gave her that slow, sexy grin and her traitorous heart leapt in her chest. “Maybe starting on Saturday night? With dinner?”

  “I – I don’t know.”

  “About which part? Dinner or the rest of it?”

  She took a deep breath. “Can I think about it?”

  “You want to think about dinner? Or the rest of it?”

  “All of it.” Sarah shrugged. “I want to think about all of it.”

  He saw the prairie distance in her eyes, and his body clenched up tight when he realized that she wasn’t sure about any of what he’d just said. That was when he understood that there was a pretty damn good chance that for the first time in his life, he wasn’t going to get what he wanted from a woman. Maybe he wasn’t going to be with her – not at all. Not in his bed and not for dinner and not up here on the overlook, talking and holding her close and looking at the stars.

  Shit. She may well say no, and I’d better get ready for that. Possible rejection sucks, man.

  “Of course you can, doll.” He stood up and extended his hand to her. “You know where I am if you decide that you want what I’m offering. I’ll be waiting… just don’t leave me hanging too long, OK?”

  “OK,” she said.

  “Now, how about I get you home?” Jax said. “You have to be up early tomorrow morning for Noah.”

  Chapter Six

  “Are you crazy?” Helen’s kind face was shocked. “You’re actually thinking about saying no to this guy? Why?”

  Sarah glanced over at Noah, but he was absorbed in eating his lunch.

  “Because I’m not sure that agreeing to a relationship that’s on a clock right from the word go is the best idea.”

  “What’s the alternative?” Helen asked. “No relationship at all?”

  “Well…”

  “Sarah, all relationships are on a clock. Don’t you get that? When two people start dating, they either end up staying together until one of them dies, or they break up, and nobody knows which one will happen at the beginning. All that’s before we consider things like illness and accidents and cheating and divorces and people moving for jobs. I mean, God… any man who s
howed up in your life would be on a clock, one way or another.”

  “Yeah.” Sarah thought about that. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

  “You guess?” Helen shook her head. “Listen, I’ve been through two husbands and two divorces and you-don’t-want-to-know how many relationships, and I went in thinking each one was forever, that every single guy was The One… and every single time, I was wrong. And honestly? It broke my heart every single time.”

  Sarah nodded.

  “Maybe if I’d gone in with both eyes wide open – with the guy telling me straight-up, no marriage, no kids, no future – I could have just relaxed and enjoyed it for what it was.”

  “And what was it?”

  Helen shrugged. “Fun. You remember what that is, right?”

  “Honestly? I’m not sure that I do.”

  Helen’s dark eyes softened. “Oh, hon. You have more on your plate than you deserve, and you do great at handling it all. But this man is offering you something kind of amazing, you know. No screwing around on you, and I’d bet that if you’re looking for an introduction to sex, you could do far worse than a sizzling hot biker. Am I wrong?”

  Sarah grinned. “Nope. You are definitely not wrong… the way he kissed me? I thought my legs would give out from under me.”

  “Well, there you go. The man sounds like a damn good time, so why not just enjoy it? And I mean both of you, because you’re kind of amazing yourself, you know.”

  Sarah blushed.

  “So,” Helen said. “What are you going to do?”

  Sarah glanced at her watch. “Right now? I’m going to the laundromat and the grocery store. You have to leave by four o’clock today, right?”

  “Yep.”

  “OK, I’ll be back by then for sure.” She turned her attention to Noah. “Hey, Noah?”

  He looked up at her. “Sarah.”

  “I’m going now, alright?”

  “The laundromat,” he said. “And food shopping. Every Thursday.”

  “Right.” Sarah gathered all her stuff in to her purse and grabbed the laundry basket. “You take good care of Helen, huh?”

  “I’ll take care of Helen. Right.”

  “OK, be back later,” Sarah said to the older woman. “Take it easy.”

  “Always, hon.”

  **

  Sarah started up the washing machine, nodded at Nathan as he went by with the broom, and she went next door to get a takeaway coffee. Louise was working today and she started to pour Sarah’s usual double-double to go before Sarah had even reached the counter.

  “Hey, Sarah,” Louise said. “What’s new?”

  “Oh, nothing much,” Sarah said. “Same-old, same-old. You?”

  “Kevin’s taking me on vacation,” Louise said happily. “A surprise, so I have no idea where we’ll end up. He just said to bring my bikini and a smile… cool, huh?”

  “He’s a good guy,” Sarah said. “Treats you well.”

  “Yeah.” Louise wiped at a stubborn stain on the counter. “You have any plans this summer? Maybe you’ll go on vacation somewhere?”

  “Nope. No plans.”

  “Well. Maybe for Christmas, right?”

  Sarah handed over the exact change for the coffee that she had tucked away in her jeans pocket before leaving the house. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Now she was sitting in her usual chair in the laundromat, sipping her coffee and watching the clothes tumble around in circles in the dryer. Around and around they went, endlessly, unceasingly; frantic activity and motion that went absolutely nowhere. And she suddenly saw her life as exactly that, as constant movement that went nowhere at all. She was trapped in endless cycles and routines.

  Yeah, they were in place for Noah’s safety and comfort… but they were also for hers, she now saw. Every single day was the same, and even when Helen came on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons to stay with Noah, Sarah always did the same things with her free time.

  Tuesdays were for errands – the pharmacy, or servicing the car, or doing stuff at the bank, or going to the doctor – and Thursdays were for laundry and grocery shopping. What had once been about planning and organization to survive the day had now become her entire existence. Always the same, no variety, no changes. No flexibility, no relaxation, no movement outside of her comfort zone.

  No fun. How did this happen to me? When did I become so staid and joyless? So… old?

  Why didn’t she ever go for a swim on Tuesdays? Why didn’t she take a class on Thursday afternoons? Why didn’t she read a book in a café and gorge herself on Snickers cake without guilt or care?

  It was free time, for God’s sake, and here she treated it like one more thing to check off her never-ending ‘to do’ list. Like another ‘must fill up this time-box’ in her overly-scheduled life.

  It came to her that playing pool with Jax and chatting with Mac, Aidan and King had been the most fun she’d had in years. And last night with Jax, up at the overlook, sitting on his bike and talking? Damn close to perfection.

  What if I met Jax for lunch one Tuesday? What if – God help me – he took me to bed on a Thursday afternoon, and we spent hours making love?

  Sarah blushed furiously at the thought, and then it occurred to her that it was possible. It could happen. He had sat right in front of her the night before and offered her the best kind of relationship that he was capable of – it was right there for the taking. All she had to do was reach out and accept it. And, as it turns out, it was exactly the kind of relationship that she wanted.

  That I need.

  Sarah glanced at the timer on the dryer. It had less than ten minutes left on it. She’d wait it out, fold the clothes quickly, and skip the grocery shopping. She’d go that night, after her Mom got home at seven o’clock. She had plenty of time to drive out to Curves to talk to Jax, or leave a note with her phone number if he wasn’t around, and get back home before Helen had to leave at four.

  **

  Aidan looked up and smiled when he saw Sarah walk in to the bar.

  “Hey, Red.”

  “Hi.”

  “You looking for the boss?”

  “Yeah. Is he here?”

  “Uh-huh. In his office. You want to go on down the hallway, and it’s the second door on the right.”

  “Thanks.”

  She walked out of the main room, felt the curious eyes on her as she went. Even though it was just past two o’clock on a Thursday, the bar was pretty busy. And lots of people looked pretty drunk. She wondered what it would be like to have a drink in the afternoon, and decided it might not be a bad thing to try once. Maybe twice.

  Her heart was pounding hard and fast by the time she knocked on the office door. She heard his deep voice inside, calling her to come in. She took a deep breath, stepped in to the office.

  Jax was standing in front of his desk sorting through a stack of papers. He turned, and when he saw her standing there, he started.

  “Sarah.”

  “Hi, Jax.” She blushed. “Is now a bad time?”

  “No. No, not at all. Come on in.” He waved at a leather sofa bigger than her bed and she sat, feeling awkward and exposed. Those green eyes seemed to just burn right on through to her soul, and she looked away, flustered.

  Jax sat down right next to Sarah, taking her in. She looked nervous, maybe even a bit upset, and he was suddenly certain that she was there to turn him down.

  Dammit. OK, well. The least I can do is not make her feel bad about it, right? I mean, the woman had the courtesy to turn me down to my face, instead of a phone call or just dropping off the planet.

  “So, what’s up, Red?” His tone was light and teasing, to set her at ease.

  “I – I… ummm.” She cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk to you about – about your offer.”

  Jax leaned back. “OK.” />
  “I wanted to say that – that I’m incredibly flattered. And that I… ummm.” She skidded to a conversational halt, not sure how to accept without sounding cheap or desperate. Or both.

  Jax gazed at her. God, she looked so worried, and he felt his heart tighten up that he’d caused any more stress or tension in her life. She didn’t need it, he knew.

  “Hey,” he said gently. “It’s OK.”

  She looked up at him. “What is?”

  “Saying no.” He shrugged. “It was a long shot that you’d say yes.”

  She started. “But – but I am saying yes.”

  He cocked his head. “You are?”

  “Yes. I’m – I’m saying yes.”

  “To what I offered last night?”

  She nodded.

  Jax reached out and took her hand. “You sure, doll? You sure you can handle this? I don’t want you getting hurt.” His eyes held hers. “We do this for as long as it works for both of us, but no promises. No future. Right?”

  “I know and I’m sure.” She finally smiled at him. “I can’t do permanent, Jax, not right now. But I also can’t keep going on the way that I have. It’s becoming… unbearable.”

  “What is?”

  “My life.”

  That stopped him. “What do you mean?”

  “Just – trapped in the routine. No spontaneity or… color. You know?” She saw the worry in his face and she rushed to reassure him. “Oh, my life isn’t black or depressing. It’s not even gray. It’s just kind of… beige. Like rice pudding. Or watered-down vanilla.”

  Jax laughed.

  “Beige is nice, you know,” she said. “But it’s… beige. Boring and predictable. I’d like a bit of something else once in a while.”