Dangerous Curves Page 16

  “Yeah,” Sarah said again. “Rich people can do that, huh? Literally buy justice.”

  “Damn right they can. I said that I knew how you felt when Dave’s Daddy wanted to buy you to forget about his asshole son beating you up, and now you see that I really did. When you told that lawyer to fuck off and you hung up on him? That was when I knew you were an amazing woman… one that I wanted to get to know better.”

  Sarah blushed a bit. “So, what happened next?”

  “Well, I freaked out. I broke in to Murdoch’s fucking mansion one weekend while his wife was away, waited for him to come home. Tied him up, beat him up, hoped to get a confession. I got it, but by then I’d – I’d gone too far.”

  “You killed him.”

  “I didn’t mean to. That wasn’t the plan, I swear.” Jax’s eyes were strangely vulnerable. “All I wanted was to scare him in to telling me the truth and get some justice for my mother. But I was young and strong and angry – I was seventeen – and I lost control. I was hitting him and hitting him, and at some point, a switch just flipped inside of me. I couldn’t stop… and to be honest with you, Sarah, a part of me didn’t want to stop. It felt good. It felt – right. Like he was getting what he deserved, somehow.”

  “I can understand feeling that.” She paused. “I can understand the desire to hurt someone who hurt you.”

  “When I came back to myself, he was almost dead. I called 911, called the cops. Turned myself in, confessed to everything.” Jax shrugged. “I mean, I’d done it, and I decided to stand by it. He died the next day, and I was ready to be tried as an adult and get sent away for twenty years. But I ended up taking a plea bargain, since the family wanted to keep the whole mess out of the press, and I served just three years. One in juvie, two in a maximum security prison upstate. Rough as hell, baby, but I survived.”

  “When I got out, I went back to Detroit, scrambled for work. Megan was still in the city, and she’d been great about what had happened. I mean, she’d been basically orphaned and abandoned at the age of fourteen, and she got shoved in to the foster care system. But she’s smart, my kid sister. She kept her head down, stayed in school, came and visited me in prison once a month. She held it together somehow, and when I got out, we moved in together for a few years. I worked construction and bounced in bars, kept my PO happy. She finished school and got work as a waitress.”

  “Is she still in Detroit?”

  “No. When I won the lottery, I gave her twenty million dollars, told her to do whatever the hell she wanted with it. Then I moved here, to get away from all that shit back in Michigan, and she followed me. She’s here now, and she manages a restaurant.”

  “And you bought the bar?”

  “Yeah. A little over five years ago, I bought Curves from the previous owner, and then spent almost two years trying to figure out how to run the damn place.”

  “Baptism of fire?”

  “Not really. I hired a guy named Harry to manage it for me, and I learned on the job. He trained me, essentially, and when I felt like I was ready to do it on my own, I paid him a massive bonus and sent him on his way.” Jax shrugged. “And… that’s it, really. I run Curves and I pay my taxes and I plant roses. My life is what it is… and it’s as far from what I had before as possible. It’s the best I can do, I think.”

  Jax stopped talking. That was it; that was all of it. His whole life was laid bare to Sarah, and if she decided to take a long, hard look at it and walk away, he wouldn’t blame her. She deserved better than an ex-con who beat a man to death, no matter what his motivations or intentions. She deserved better than him.

  She was quiet for a long time, and Jax didn’t push her. She was still in his arms, though, still running her fingers over his chest, so he just held on and hoped.

  “Are you sorry?” she finally said.

  Jax really thought about her question. It was one that he’d asked himself many times over the fourteen years since he’d raised his fist to Len Murdoch, mostly at night when sleep wouldn’t come. Sometimes, the answer had been yes; many times, the answer had been no. But what was the truth, the one deep in his heart?

  “Yes,” he said to Sarah now. “Yes, I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For Len Murdoch’s family, mostly. His wife and kids.” Jax hesitated. “I took him away from them, and they never recovered financially or emotionally. His wife lost the house, I know, and the kids had to leave college. They got hurt, badly, and they did nothing to deserve that. I devastated their family.”

  “But yours was devastated too.”

  “Yeah. And I had a pretty big hand in that. I was the one who ended up getting sent away for three years, leaving my sister at the mercy of social services. Megan lost everything, in one fell swoop – Mom, me, her home, her friends.” Jax shook his head. “The fact that she forgave me is nothing short of a fucking miracle, let me tell you. But I’m sorry for what I did to Megan, too. It wasn’t her fault, and she got hurt.”

  “So you’re sorry for hurting a bunch of innocent people?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you sorry you killed him?”

  “Yeah, I am. I know why I did it, and I stand by the desire to have him pay for what he did to Mom… but my way wasn’t the right way.”

  “Would you do it again?”

  “Kill Murdoch?”

  “Kill someone who hurt someone you cared about?”

  Jax paused again, then decided to be honest. “I don’t know.”

  “Would you have killed Kane tonight?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No. I’d have hurt him as bad as I could get away with, no doubt about that. But I’d have stopped myself from taking it too far.”

  “You promise me?”

  He searched her eyes, saw her need for the truth.

  “Yes, baby. I promise. I wouldn’t have taken it all the way.”

  She relaxed. “OK, then.”

  “…OK?”

  “Yes. OK.” She kissed him now, and Jax almost sagged in relief. “I believe you.”

  He gathered her in his arms, held her as tight as he could. He’d been terrified of losing Sarah twice that night: the first time when that fucker had had his hands on her, and the second when he’d been waiting for her to forgive and understand what he’d done to Murdoch.

  While she’d been sleeping, he’d stayed awake, watching her and thinking. It had taken a knife to her throat to show him what had been in front of his face this whole time, but he saw it clear as day now: he loved her. He loved her so much, he thought he might stop breathing from the enormity and weight of it pressing on his heart.

  Sarah had just dropped in to his life, this amazing, beautiful, little miracle, and even though Jax wasn’t sure about promising forever, he sure as hell didn’t want to imagine his life without her. He loved her, and he would promise her more than ‘for now’, offer her better than ‘just temporary’.

  He had just opened his mouth to utter those three little words that would change everything between them, when her cell phone rang. They both jumped in shock, and Sarah scrambled out of his arms to take the call.

  “It’s Mom,” she said. “What the hell?”

  Jax watched her answer, listened to the fear in her voice as she asked what was wrong. And when he understood that Noah was gone – gone from the house, and he’d taken his backpack with him – he felt her panic all the way through to his bones.

  Sarah hung up, stumbled to her feet. Jax steadied her.

  “What do you want to do?” he asked. “You want me to take you home?”

  She shook her head. “I want to go look for him.”

  “Where?” He opened the wardrobe against the far wall and pulled out a fresh t-shirt. “You have any idea where he might go?”

  “None. I mean, he never even get
s up in the middle of the night… why would he leave the house?” She stopped suddenly, frozen and horrified.

  “What?” Jax was alarmed at the look on her face. “Baby, what?”

  “Me.”

  “You what?”

  “He’s looking for me.”

  “Why would he?”

  “Because he’ll know that something happened to me tonight.”

  “What? How?”

  She shrugged. “Because we’re twins. I always know when he’s upset, even when he’s nowhere near me. And if I’m in trouble or hurt, he knows.”

  Jax stared at her. “For real?”

  “Yeah. I bet he woke up and went looking for me to help me.” She spun on her heels, gathered up her purse and jacket. “He knew that Dave had beaten me up, even though I never said a word. He told me then that if it ever happened again, he’d come and save me. Dammit. How could I have forgotten that tonight? I should have gone straight home after you cleaned me up… this is all my fault.”

  “Hey, whoa. No, it’s not.”

  She rounded on him. “Yes, it is! If I were home with him, instead of here with you, Kane would never have got his hands on me. If I were home with him, he’d have nothing to worry about. Fuck, I’ve been so selfish, so goddamn self-absorbed.” She shook her head. “For these past few months, it’s all been about me and what I want. I neglected my family and I wasn’t around when Noah needed me. Now he’s wandering around the city all alone – if anything happens to him, I’ll never, ever forgive myself.”

  He was about to protest again, when he saw the look of bleak self-loathing in her eyes and he just knew. Jax knew that he’d lost Sarah that night after all – as sure as if Kane had slashed her throat open in front of him. She may have been standing right in front of him, but she was gone.

  **

  They drove up and down the city streets for hours, looking for Noah. At about five o’clock, Sarah’s phone rang again and she pounced on it.

  “Mom?”

  Jax watched her face crumple in exhausted relief, and some of the tension left his shoulders. She disconnected and looked out the window at the sunrise over the distant mountains.

  “He’s OK?” Jax said, wondering why he even had to ask.

  “Yeah. The cops picked him up and they’re just taking him home now.”

  “So… everything’s fine? He’s not hurt?”

  “He’s fine.” Her voice was flat, broken.

  Jax reached for her hand. “Sarah…”

  “No.” She pulled away. “Don’t, Jax.”

  He froze, his heart beating too fast.

  Fuck. Here it is. I’ve got to save this situation somehow.

  “Baby…”

  “No. Don’t call me that. Not anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  She turned to him now. “Because it’s over between us, Jax. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

  He pulled over, sure that he wouldn’t be able to handle having this conversation while operating a motor vehicle. “Sarah, look. I know you’re upset about what happened, and I get that you blame yourself. If you want, we can dial it back between us. No more sleeping over. No more nights away from home. We can figure this out.”

  “No.”

  “…No? Just no?”

  “I can’t, Jax. You’re a – a distraction.”

  Fuck, that hurt. “I’m a what?”

  She sighed. “I mean, even when I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you. I’m not focused, or present, or paying attention. Noah needs and deserves my full attention when I’m around him, but I’ve been distracted. By you.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I thought I could have this, you know. I thought I could be like other people and do what I want, and for a little while, I did. But that’s not my life, and it probably never will be.” She blinked back tears. “My family has to come first – even before anything that I may want.”

  He was silent. She gave him a small grin now, tried to lighten the mood.

  “Come on, Jax. No need to take it so hard, tough guy. I mean, you always said this would go on for as long as it worked for both of us. And it just – stopped working for me.”

  Jax’s first and strongest urge was to fight her on this, tooth-and-nail. He wasn’t a man who let things get away from him, not when they were his – and Sarah was his, body and soul. Oh, sure, she was her own person and a fucking strong woman, but still… she belonged in his bed, in his arms. Nobody had ever made him feel this way, and he knew she felt for him, too. He was hers; she was his.

  He wanted to force the issue with her, force her to retract every soul-crushing word that she’d just said. Couldn’t she see how good they were together, didn’t she know that he’d do anything for her, anything at all? Jax would make her see it, make her know it. He’d overpower her with his dominance, he’d overwhelm her with his strength. He wasn’t letting this happen – no fucking way.

  But then he understood that he couldn’t do this to Sarah. Not if he loved her. She didn’t deserve to be pressured or guilted in to anything; after all, she hadn’t done anything wrong. She was thinking about her family, and if Jax was being honest, he admired her for it, and he always had. She had been something for him to have and hold for a little while. And now she had to let her go.

  “I get it,” he said quietly.

  “Of course you do. From the word go, you told me you were temporary. And if you were, then so was I. Right?”

  God, I wish I could take back those fucking words.

  “Right.” He pulled back in to the road. “I’ll take you home now, then I’ll be on my way.”

  “Jax?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you angry with me?”

  “No, I’m not. I promise. You’re right – I did say that I was temporary and I couldn’t offer you anything long-term.” As a parting gift to her, he gave Sarah his lazy, sexy grin, and she relaxed. “It’s OK, Red. It’s all fine. You get on with your life…and I hope that you’ll be happy. You deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone I know.”

  And you deserve better than me. You always did.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jax slammed the shot glass on the bar and nodded at Aidan. “Another.”

  Aidan exchanged glances with King and Mac, and Jax saw it.

  “Cut it out, you assholes,” he growled. “It’s my place and my whiskey. Gimme another shot. Now.”

  “You’ve already had six,” King said.

  “You can count. Congratulations.”

  “Come on, man,” Mac said. “Call it a night, yeah? Aidan can call you a cab and you can go home and sleep it off.”

  “Fuck off,” Jax said. “I’m staying right here.”

  The men looked at each other again, and now Jax lost it.

  “Give me the fucking shot, Carter!” he roared. “Or you can find yourself another job!”

  “Sure thing, boss,” Aidan said. “Every man goes to the devil in his own way, huh?”

  “Damn right.”

  Jax stared around Dangerous Curves. Fuck, he hated being here now… everywhere he looked, he saw Sarah, and everything reminded him of her. The pool tables, the stool she’d sat on at the bar, the booth where she’d had her victory fruity drink. But still, it was a damn sight better here at Curves than at his house. That was fucking torture.

  His bed sheets still smelled like her. She’d dumped his pathetic ass almost a week ago, and he couldn’t bring himself to wash the sheets yet. He couldn’t stand to even look at the pool, and had covered it up a few nights before. He wanted to chop down his rose bushes, burn the sofa, take an ax to the kitchen. Her toothbrush and shampoo were still in his bathroom, and he harbored an insane fantasy that she’d want them back one day soon, and drop by to pick them up. So far, that day hadn�
��t come.

  A man can only hope, Red.

  “Well, hey there, Jax.”

  He glanced up blearily, focused on the woman in front of him. Blonde, gorgeous. Too much make-up, but those breasts and legs were something else.

  “Hey, Raylene.”

  “So.” She reached out and ran a finger down his chest. “I heard that your little fling crashed and burned. Just like I said, huh?”

  “Yep.” He drank the shot that Aidan had finally seen fit to pour. “Just like you said. You called it.”

  “I did.” Her tongue came out, touched her top lip. “So maybe you want to take me up on my offer from before?”

  I don’t want your mouth on me. I want Sarah’s – just Sarah’s.

  “Yeah, OK.”

  “Crash room or your office, babe?” she purred.

  “Crash room,” Jax said. No way he’d have Raylene suck him off on that sofa. That was the place where he’d watched Sarah sleep and realized that he loved her, where he’d confessed his most awful thing to her and been forgiven. That sofa was fucking sacred, and no way he was letting anything dirty near it. Jax would keep his dirt in the back, where it belonged.

  “OK,” she said. “I’ll meet you there in five minutes.”

  “Fine.”

  She walked away, and Jax watched her go. Yeah, Raylene continued to be scorching hot, and every guy in the place had his eye on her as she sauntered past. But she wasn’t what Jax wanted, and his dick knew it.

  “Jax.”

  “Yeah?” He turned to Mac.

  “Call her, man.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “OK, that’s enough.” King’s exasperated words were a snarl from deep in his chest. “You’ve been a prick ever since you and Red went your separate ways, and we’re all pretty fucking done with it. What’s the deal?”

  “The deal?” Jax snorted. Maybe he was getting a bit drunk after all. “No deal.”

  “Come on, Jax,” Aidan said. “Call her.”